So long .. farewell

Just came back from 2 interns farewell dinner.
We all have fun and enjoy that bitching session.
Here we go another farewell.
4 months these 2 guys bring colours to our stressful and dull office.
When I 1st interview them , I feel hesitate to take them on board.
I have this mix feeling whether they can survive in this office.
I am not talking about the workload but the mental torture they going to experience.
Thank God! they are tough enough to take it positively.
Here we go again left us the survivors in the office, the 2 Angels!
New guy coming in next week.
I don't know how long he will last.
The existing new guy.. mmmm God Bless you.
I don't know how to comment anymore.

For the 2 Angels hope God give both of us more strength to handle that man.
For 2 interns, you have long journey ahead.
Wish you guys luck and all the best!

Thank you for your morale support.

The Climb

I am that type of person will not give a damn on what is the lyric all about when listening to song.

As long as the melody or rythm 'ngam' to my ears... I will continue listening.

Somehow, the new song by Miley Cyrus attracted my ears and I find it very meaningful and basically describe how my life is... all the while.

Here are 'The Climb' lyrics

Song writes : Alexander, J; Mabe J

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
" You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna another mountain
I'm gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to loose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
i'm always gonna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
I's the climb , yeah!

Kepp on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about , it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith,

Let Go

My devoted 10 years Kembara finally leave me just now.(Sold off)

Although , I feel sad but I have to do all this because its all natural law.

When you get new one, we leave the old one.

I spend 1 hour crying in my Kembara last night.

Flash back all our sweet and bitter memories together.

I love you darling! I don't mean it but you are useless for me now...

I have to make a choice.Sounds cruel but decision need to be made.

Thought of snapping a photo but can't do that.

Bad omen! as usual me and my ridiculous belief again!

My new Citra, long journey together ahead of us.

Hope you can do a good job for me.

I still need to get use to this car.

Too long for parking. Heavy though!

When i complained this to my friends , he were saying that thank god I don't get Dimax or Storm as what i wanted earlier, if not major problem!

Yeah! true lah my friend I may end up just drive to work and home without stopping anywhere else coz major problem to park hahaha... again me and my insecureness..

One Citra already give me big problem because I just want to drive but don't feel like parking the car.

No reverse sensor and back mirror though. Bought it too basic!

Yeah ! coz my pocket also very basic... so thats all i can afford time being..

So I need to park and get down a few times to ensure I don't knock on something. Troublesome though and quite embrassing though.

Gosh! I can't go anywhere without people thinking I am either Sabahan, Sarawakian or Philipines and some even guess I am dark skin chinese. I received 2 questions from 2 different people this morning (when I am selling my car this morning ) asking whether I am a foreigner just because of my weird Malay and English slang.

I really need to brush up my slang..

I am forever confuse about my identity, What race am I ,actually???

Seriously, I am not very sure myself.... one pathetic lady!

Tomorrow exam E&I , so need to back to study now..

More readings and I am going in with very 'kiasu thinking' no more over confidence like last week. I am going to expect the worst and worst rather than froze facing the paper...i don't want to feel this on the 2nd time.

Adios!

Frustration

Although MF exam just finished, I don't think this will be the last for me to see this paper. I end up with total disappointment and going into the exam room with very ambitious thinking without taking into account on the twisting part of the question.. ahh!!! damn!!! its not over!
I may have to re sit for this paper. So tough! I just froze to see the questions.. damn!! why is it not what I expected??? Now what should I do? I have that feeling to just walk out from that room. But hey! not my style to avoid the problem.. Ok.. die die I just need to face this and accept the fact to feel that failure feeling when I get the result. It will be a miracle if I can get 'Pass' for this one.

Driving back home is the toughest one.. I just can't stop crying out my disappointment all the way home.Me and my 'emo' again...

Its quite sometime not doing this.. I just admitted myself to GSC and watch midnight movie. I have 2 choices watch that chic movie - Shopaholic or 'Fast & Furious'. Ah!!! I need that motivation .. nothing else can boost my confidence apart from watching that fast car and loud music. Yeah! baby 'Fast & Furious' is my ultimate choice. Feel relieve though right after that!
I even have that ambition to modified my coming new 'Citra' to what that O'Connor drive at the end of the movie... I was thinking, if I were young again I want to be one of those car racer. I did have that thinking to be grand prix motor racer. Michael Doohan was my favourite last time. Car racer came in quite late...hahahaha... me and my crazy thinking again...easy to get that influence... I think if thing just turn around at that time I may be one of those ...

The next morning, head up to Pavillion to do that 'Sunday Brunch'. Stuff myself with my favourite ' Ipoh Curry Laksa', then bowl of Oyster Porridge with 'Char Kuey' then plate of 'Gurney Rojak'. I feel like stuffing myself with that John King Egg Tart ... my belly feel heavy and just can't stuff anything again...That was my breakfast, my lunch and my dinner... Extreme!!!

Spoil day though... but then back home. 'Streamyx down' feel disconnected.

Do some reading for E&I for this coming Saturday exam. I can't flunk on 2 papers. Need to put more and more effort and expect the worst this Saturday. I don't want to under estimate the paper anymore. I want to expect the most difficult and difficult so that I don't feel that frustration again!!!!!!

Bye Bye Feb 2010... there will be slight delay on my graduation......

Study Leave

On leave today. Off my other line (office tel line) .I need time to do some last minute revision. Its work for other subject though but not for this one. I just feel lack of confident in this subject.

Thursday night do some revision until 2.00am. Then woke up at 7.00am, as normal I will do my usual routine rolling and rolling on the bed.. hehehe lazy to get out of the bed.

Received call from a friend whom about to depart from Changi and off to LA but I guess need to stop transit a while at Narita before continue to LA. Not vacation but working for 2 weeks. To him , I wish Work Hard! Play Hard! ... don't be naughty man! Safe journey and hope come back here safely too..If you bring back Teddy Bear from LA maybe I will consider your invitation for coffee coffee with you when you back ! No Teddy Bear no consideration hahahaha...Yeah ! I am nasty!

His called actually make me get out from my bed and straight to shower..Thanks Bro!

Go to bank , then go to salon.. do wash treatment and trimmed my hair... almost 3 months never visit the saloon ..ya ya I suppose on study leave , I misused it!

Naughty girl today.. But hey! I back home by 12.00 noon and study until 6.00pm.

Now its my time to have a break.. time to just browse all the notes and relevant books with hope I can have that magical power to absorb all the gist from the notes... hihihi me and my magical thinking again.. How I wish I have that power!

Don't know what to have for dinner tonight.. just not in the mood at all.

I settle with glass of cold milk with cocoa powder in.. not bad taste though! but still hungry..

I think I will just skip my dinner.. no appetite.

Wow! Harry Potter is coming soon.. can't wait to watch this movie!

I need to come back to reality . Tomorrow exam, and I am trying to do my very very best..

I still cannot get my new car this week. I just very worried since my old Kembara getting worst and worst...hope everything is fine!

For my friend who commented my driving skill very rude.. I admit it .. my style of driving all depends on my mood swing.. but most of the time bad mood... so you know le...Sayonara!

Traffic Light incident

I had heard about this story via email forwarded to me , newspaper and even from friends. I never expect same incident will happen to me.
Just now around 8.00pm I was on the way back from Amcorp Mall and I had to stop at Traffic Light (of course due to red light) to turn towards Federal Highway.
Open my favourite peanut butter waffle (my dinner). I took a bite and mmmm so delicious..

Then I saw one mid 40's thin man standing beside one Toyota Prado 2 cars ahead me but on the other lane. I thought that man was selling 'Mapiau' you know that gambling stuff or something. So I just don't bother and my mind as usual thinking of something like why this man gamble his life walking in the middle of busy traffic like that or something. Then I saw this man walking towards my direction. Thought of another 'gamble stuff' pitching or something.

Then the man stop beside me and trying to force open my car door at the same time knocking hard on my window. I heard he was screaming 'Buka pintu kereta saya rosak!
Ya .. your car is 'rosak' then why you are rosaking my car now.. Go away go away.. find others go away.. nothing came out from my mouth thought but its all from my mind.. Damn ! I speechless and clueless.. what should I do what should I do..At that time I just feel I am the only car there and suddenly everything became dark and dark.. don't blackout here don't please don't .. that man is outside you inside.. relax relax.. oh no...
HELPPPPP!!! somebody help me.....my heart screaming hard.. but yet i am just froze there... that man still knocking my car harder and harder...

Luckily, I had a habit to lock my car all the time. But that man was still trying hard forced to open the door and knocking hard the window. Suddenly I realised then my hand keep pressing my car horn non stop to create attention. The Traffic light also like forever red. Damn! I just keep horning...
Then the driver in front of me , I remember Honda Civic Grey, the man came out and shout at that man.. then I guess the trouble maker man also got panicked and just ran off to other opposite lane.
I then thank the man in front of me by just waving my shivering hand, of course!
He just show his thumb up , to show that hopefully I am alright. I just nodded my head with bitter smile.

Huh! alright???? How can I be alright.. when my whole body basically shivering like mad. My heart pumping like dup dap dup dap... like I just after 20km marathon..
Scared to death...even my driving also like went blurr...

However, I remain my composure after 5 minutes. keep telling myself its over its over its over... Good enough I can reach home safely with that kind driving and also my blurring condition. Horrifying moment today..

What an experience... I was lucky because I locked my car.

What if .. I didn't?
The scene will be different and worst.
I don't know what will happen to me now..

Thank God! You help me today... Celine Dion song ' I'm Alive!'

When I finally reached home, then I saw my waffle right there under the passenger seat. I must be very panicked just now until throwing away my waffle like that.
Here goes my dinner for tonight in a very horrible state.
Ahhh! look like my suppose dinner does not belong to my stomache after all but into the dustbin..
But hey.. I still have back up.. hi hi I had baked brownies from Famous Amos for dinner. get myself cup of hot peach tea..mmmm heaven..

Glad! I bought that just now.. suppose to be my breakfast for tomorrow..

All bad incident suddenly just disappear from my head..

OK back to reality.. study for Saturday..

Changing Hat

My job required me to do multi tasking.

Maybe due to my versatility in performing any task given.

However, this multi tasking job seriously becoming pain to my head.

This is due to I have to change my hat countless time every minute in a day.

My mind almost blow up to certain extend.

One minute got to be Accounts department, then change to Finance, then Office Planning & administrations, then change to Human Resource, then change to Media Planning , then to Client Servicing, then to Media Buying, then Operation, then to Contract Management, then to PA to CEO, then latest portfolio is Legal Department.

Damn! I have 11 departments to supervise and take care and this should make me the General Manager ... don't know whats coming up.

I almost go hair wire...changing hat all the time...

However, soon coming up will be Business Development .. oh my God! should I take up this challenge or just pass this on?

Sometimes its good to accept responsibility and multi tasking but don't you think this is way over multi tasking.. ... I AM BEING TOO GENEROUS TO THIS COMPANY...

Yes! I am hardworking.

I just feel lucky God still give me good health and strength to continue working.

Many people says we need to work smart not work hard but in my case, I guess I don't have much choice. Accept the fate and continue working hard just for the sake of surviving in this world.

Sometimes I wonder how long , i am going to last at this pit stop?

Where is my next destination?

When?

I wonder.... its hard to predict our destiny...

Can I achieve my dreams?

God knows..

We can work towards it but HE is to decide everything...

Seriously need full body massage later on.

Wind going in to my head and its aching... need to smoothen my blood circulation so I don't have mental block during exam this coming Saturday.

Thought of going tomorrow but this College suddenly I can only collect my E&I case study only tomorrow. So not much choice here...

I am trying my best not to panic for coming Sat.... hopefully can remain calm.. yoga and meditation for 1 hour at night really help for time being. Hope can continue ....

Another unusual Sunday

I am taking 10 minutes break now, after 4 hours MF marathon since morning.

I m having again another unusual Sunday..
Stucked at home to do my MF studies.
I am doing this risk , return valuation , CAPM, WACC and bla bla bla the MF terms.
Figures, figures and all those worms alike formula... damn! maths sucks!

Yeah ! stucked at home doing all that maths. I am officially Maths geek now.
Damn! I hate maths...
Can't run away from this.. whatever it is still need to face.
I only have 5 days to go..to get over this hell.
Lucky my ' Beyond' song calm me down while I am doing this maths thingy...

Hopefully, I don't have another heart attack later on... as I am now 'on call' waiting for my coursemate to finish up the group assignment.
Maybe need to fly to Bangsar later this evening or maybe not... anything... I am ok with anything...just a bit lazy to drive in the rain coz my mood not so good today.. yeah ! having that mood swingy again..

Revision Class

Wake up at 5.30am this morning doing some stretching and yoga f0r 1 hour. Then I feel so tired but don't feel sleepy so climb back on to my bed and start rolling to the left to the right. Haha enjoyment moment in the morning.. rolling rolling..

Scary to go to revision class today.

That MF lecturer look too fierce for me.

I know he mean good but I just scare of fierce or strict people.. they really give me that kind of emotional feeling of scareness..

1st , MF is my weakest subject.. this subject doesn't interest me at all...but hey ! do i have a choice here?

2nd, I keep telling that I weak on this subject but I did nothing about it... no actually not really , I did my stdies but....

Whatever I did does not go in to my freaking small brain..damn.. so looser!

Ok .. I better stop whining about the whole situation and start to get ready for today's war.

Yeah ! need to take bath and have my lunch then do a bit of my usual flipping through of the pages and off to mont kiara.

How nice if I could pamper myself with nice spa today... not time yet, I need to get over this battle of mine 1st...:(

I am looking forward for that night out coming up this coming 30th .. damn can't wait to start bitching hehehe.. Zef , Johnny , Nicole and Mel... let us enjoy that moment.Thought of inviting Vincent along..

Then can start book myself with my friend Shi Yin. Quite sometime never catch up with her. Another girls night out coming up!

Maybe will consider driving all the way to Kota Kemuning to visit Brandom's place plus I will drag that cutie Jamie along with me.

The last time suppose to meet up, I am in the midst of waiting to be slaughtered by my boss because of other staff. Damn! I am always the victim.

Least but not least I owe one dinner with my dear friend Jack.. Sorry brother.. I really really busy last few month.

Whatever it is.. back to reality.. I have class to go now...

Mourning

Just hit a cat on the way back.
Its too dark why did this cat crossed the road like that?
I don't have time to hit the brake.
The car behind me too close.
I can feel the tyre rolling on the cat body.
Its very frightening adn terrifying moment for me.
I feel like a murderer..
My whole body shivered.
I cried all the way home.
Its raining heavily, my tears make my vision worst to drive back home.
Can't help it, I just stop by the road side for a few minutes until my body stop shivering.
But still can't help myself , crying all the way home.
Sorry cat ! I don't mean it..
I am selling off my car next week.

Why I have to face another losses this month?
I have enough sadness this month.
Why can't all this wait until next month?
Let this pain heal first...

I am still sad..:(

Today suppose to be a Good Friday...


Life still need to go on.. Managerial Finance Craze.. really make me crazy..
Tonight need to do marathon on that MF for tomorrow revision class.
Argghh ! hope this over soon.. so so dreadful to get over this..

Let me switch on to my song, see whether my Jay Chou can heal my pain tonight!

Exam panic attack

Since I was kid , then teenager then young adult , one thing always freak me out!
EXAM!!!!
Coming exam 18th and 25th April 2009, really freak me out!
I just don't know where to start.
If I am still kid, I still can cry to my Dad and Mum.
But now ... I just can't believe it... I am now old adult and still have that 'butterflies thingy' in my stomache. I can't go to my Mum or Dad, they don't care about me anymore.

Nobody care about me...

Only me now... how???

I just panic until my brain go dead.
Seriously , until I received my lecturer email on coming Saturday briefing for Managerial Finance exam for 18th April 2009... I still freaking stone in my own dreamland.
Damn!!!
How should I start this?

Actually I did started last week after I photostate MF book from my coursemate then .. when I was reading it, along the way I realise I did terribily in my individual assignment. OMG! sounds like that song ' If I can turn back time'
I just feel de motivated.
I feel hopeless...
I normally one self motivated person.
I don't know what happen to me???

OK!!! I wanna wake up now!!!
I can't screw up in my MBA.... Its not too late yet!!!
This is my hard earned money... my tears my sweat my blood every month my mentally tortured ...
OK I will give myself good slap and wake from my making money online and just do this MF beautifully.
I need to cover up for my MF!!! I need not just pass but score in coming exam. Need it badly...

Chia Yor! chia Yor! my heart cheering for more strength...

GOD I PRAY HARD TO YOU NOW AND FOREVER..
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME STRENGTH FOR ME TO GO THROUGH THIS CRITICAL STAGE....I can do this ...AMEN!!!!

Cindy in Style

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It is just a small business and I don't spend most of my time promote my business online but yet the extra income from the proceeds give me better living style. I can now save more for my old age.

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Your life sucks???

Most of us think we have the toughest job.

We hate our job.

We have endless complain about our Boss - he is sucks, heavy workload, superior not understanding , client make our life difficult and bla bla bla...

Its never ending...

Here are the real story...

You feel thankful to have your job and earn decent salary at end of the month.

Me too... will stop complaining and bitching about my work. I repent... God please forgive me.

I went for massage at my usual place.

My body aching everywhere..

As usual I will make appointment prior and booked my favourite masseur at 7.00pm. I reached there around 6.50pm but was told my favourite masseur will be free around 7.30pm as usual appointment earlier started late due to 'Malaysian' time customer(LATE). Me again being very impatient , I don't want to wait any longer. I asked for alternative. She suggested to try her new girl whom just joined a month ago. Heard about her from my favourite masseur and apparently the girl is her cousin.

Apparently she is 20 years old. Very young and sweet girl. I can feel that she doesn't belong at that place. Feeling chatty, then I started a conversation with her while she is massaging me. Strong though... luckily I am facing down especially when she pressing my blocking point on my neck... ooo my God... tears start rolling down. But well as usual I tolerate hahah yeah like my friend used to say I am one of a kind. Enjoy pain... Hello... I am not into that, ok. I just want all my wind to clear up and smoothen my blood circulation.

Well normally I prefer quiete time during massage. But I guess , I realise nobody to talk to back home.So I be a nosy reporter and start digging out...

She is from Bandung. mmmm I have been there. Beautiful place though just wish I could spend longer time there enjoying the Spa and shopping spree.

So many common thing to talk about.

She said she regret coming here to Malaysia. She regret of not listening to her Mum. She is the only child. She is a graduate in Hotel and Management (Diploma I guess). Her cousin (which my favourite masseur- huh I will blacklisted her then)told that she will be working in Salon. Even the parent and relative back then still thinking she is working in salon.

She paid RP5mill came over via ship - 5 days journey. She don't even know how to massage when she reached here and she just learn it from her cousin. Of course she told me she need to massage the madam almost everyday - people say practise make perfect. She got scolded for small mistake. Not just normal scold but with vulgar word for sure.She never feel this way before people treat her like an animal.

She starts her day a 5am, then need to do house chores at the Madam in law's house. Then almost 9.00am she will be in the centre start doing the pre opening work. Then here come 1st appointment and 2nd and 3rd. She will only have her break to have lunch for 30 minutes then here we go again.She afraid to massage the big or fat one. Need a lot of energy.

The worst to massage horny and lonely men. Not only her hand will be massaging , there is other hand trying to reach to her. She will be busy avoiding that naughty hand too.Be strong girl don't do all that thing just for money. There is many other decent way to earn a living.

The last appointment will be at 9.00pm. Reach home by 10.00pm. Doing house chores again then finally got to rest and sleep at 12.00pm.

Mind you they only got one decent meal a day (lunch). The rest she only eat 2 slices bread for breakfast and dinner. They have no off day. Everyday is about working. They don't own any of their time.

Thank God! she only tied up with one year contract. She told me she will never come back again and wish time pass as fast as possible.I also told her to stick to her parent back there after this as she is their only child and if the parent got to know her real job... they will hurt.

Now... do you think your job is sucks???

appreciate your job. At least your have weekend for your own. You can eat whatever your desire. You can go anywhere you want.

So lets tell this to ourselves out aloud....

I am very lucky!!!!

Thank you God!!!

For the girl I met , be strong and I pray hard to God and hope you can go back to Bandung safely to your beloved family by end of this year.Amen!!!

Thank God!!!my package ended. Time for me to move on to another spa and dig out other sob story. I find that by listening to other people sob story, I will feel more grateful to life that I have right now.

I will stop self pity to myself because I will remember many other people have more difficult and miserable life than mine.

How is my life now???

Not bad :)

Why??

I have my own freedom....I pray for good health always... Amen!!!

Time to study now.. arghhh MF oh MF... been talking eating sleeping dreaming walking and sitting standing finance for the past week. Exam coming... Thank God got one team mate willing to take on the group Assignment (Love him for that - Thank you Thank you . I am so grateful to him ) at least I can spend more time studying for individual... many think to catch up though... this is really really really tough... but I need to stay positive..positive and be strong..

I CAN DO IT!!!!

Cheater Weighting Machine

Guess what?
I have been worried sick for the past few month due to my 5 kg increase out of sudden.
I did not eat much. I do some stretching and yoga but my weight still at that 5 kg increase.
Really freak me out. I thought may be due to my old age and my metabolism getting slower.
I tried so many remedies and herbs to increase my metabolism.
My weight just stuck there at 5kg increase .
Until last night....
I weight myself again... still there at 5kg increase.
Very piss off and disappointed , i am trying to be violence , so I lift up the weighting machine raise higher then I notice....

Aiksss!!! why is it that needle start at 5kg and not at 0kg???
Then I realise the needle need some adjustment.
Sorry! my dear weigthing machine...
My bad! I have been very ignorance on your condition these few years.

I feel relief then...
Not that heavy yeh!!!

I still can eat my favourite seafood???
I will treat myself after this....plus get myself a digital weighting machine...
Hihhihihi...

Oh !!! I still need to get rid of that ugly flabby around my waist or I can start joining belly dancing class and start shaking my fat with bell around.. hahahah Rina do belly dancing... mmmm sexy hahah

Closure

You found me 2 years ago. Now you are gone forever. Although, just got to know in this short period, you change my life. Everybody have their own dark secret and make mistake in life. Being so naive and young , the decision that you made at that time maybe is the best in whatever reason.

When you seek forgiveness from me.. I am sorry I can't say that I accept your forgiveness although I had forgive you long time ago. I regret for not telling you. I am sorry you are unable to hear this from me now.

No mourning or griefing since you are gone. My mind feel numb right now. May be one day I will do that. I dedicate this flower for you as your name same with this flower. All my life been liking this flower so much without knowing a reason that both of us are fated. You are far yet very near to me. You are in my mind but never in my heart.

If God give me one more chance, I wish both of us can have a closure.

May God Bless your soul always!!!

I will move one with my life....I survive without you by my side...